We romanticize weddings as perfect, joy-filled days—but the truth is, not every part of planning or experiencing a wedding feels like a fairytale.
Maybe you lost a parent years ago and the idea of walking down the aisle without them brings tears to your eyes. Maybe you’re estranged from a sibling or best friend who once meant everything to you. Maybe your emotions feel especially raw during this time because life is happening at full speed—loved ones pass away, relationships shift, and unresolved feelings rise to the surface. On top of that: you’re preparing to be somebody’s wife…!
Grief doesn’t stop for milestone moments. It doesn’t wait for your honeymoon to be over. It walks with you through the cake tastings, the dress fittings, the seating charts—and yes, even down the aisle.
As therapist Edie King Lawrence of King Counseling Services shared on an episode of Hue I Do, grief isn’t just about loss in the way most people define it. “Grief is really our system’s response to change,” she said. “That is all it is… It shows up in the form of grief, so it could be crying, it could be sadness, it could be depression… But in all, it’s a shift.” When we think of grief only as death, we miss all the subtle forms it can take—grieving an absent relationship, grieving the version of ourselves we thought we’d be, grieving a parent’s absence, illness, or dysfunction.
Weddings are layered moments. They carry joy and sorrow, love and longing, pride and pain. So how do you make space for your grief without letting it overshadow your joy? Here’s how to honor both truths at the same time.
Acknowledge That Your Feelings Are Real
First, give yourself permission to feel everything. Too often, we shame ourselves for not being “happy enough” when we’re engaged or walking down the aisle. But as Edie reminded us, “Emotions aren’t good or bad—they just are.” That sadness you feel when your father-daughter dance isn’t possible? Or the tears you shed when your late grandma’s favorite song plays during the ceremony? Those are valid. You are not wrong for feeling something deeper than happiness on your wedding day.
You might not even be able to name exactly what you’re feeling. Edie explained that “sometimes we don’t have the language for it… but just acknowledging and identifying those feelings” gives you power over them instead of them taking power over you.
Decide What Remembrance Looks Like for You
One of the most tender ways to process grief of others while celebrating your wedding is to decide how you want to remember the loved ones that aren’t physically present. This doesn’t have to be a big, public gesture. In fact, wedding planner Kathryne Carter of Grace and Virtue Events encourages couples to define what feels best for them: “The way I think about it is two ways,” she said. “Either a private remembrance… or a shared remembrance where you’re sharing that memory publicly.”
Private remembrance might look like wearing your late mother’s perfume or carrying a locket with your friend’s photo inside your bouquet. Kathryne recalled a touching idea she saw once: “Sewing their name into your wedding dress or your tuxedo jacket… I think those are really sweet private remembrance opportunities.”
Shared remembrance can be equally meaningful. Some couples create a memorial table with framed pictures. Others include a quote or Bible verse from their loved one on the ceremony program. “You could even name a signature cocktail after them,” Kathryne suggested. “It’s your wedding—it should be about who you are and what you love.”
The beauty in these gestures is that they allow you to carry someone’s presence with you, without making the entire day feel heavy. It’s a way to say, “You’re still with me,” even in your next chapter.
Give Yourself—and Others—Space to Breathe
Grief can bubble up unexpectedly, even during moments of celebration. It might hit you during your makeup session, your first look, or a quiet moment alone before the reception. And that’s okay.
What’s important is creating space for those moments instead of trying to push them away.
“Sometimes we’re carrying generational grief and complex family emotions,” Edie pointed out. These layers of pain—especially in our families—often go unspoken, yet they surface in tender moments like weddings. If your parent wasn’t supportive of your engagement or you had to cut off toxic relatives, it’s normal to feel a mix of sadness and peace.
Be honest with those you trust, though. Let your wedding planner or maid of honor know when you may need to step away, cry, or pray. Even carving out five minutes for yourself or being intentional about scheduling therapy sessions can make a difference.
Kathryne offered a thoughtful suggestion for private moments with grief: “Take a picture while you’re getting ready with [a loved one’s] items… maybe all your guests don’t see that, but you do. And your photographer can capture those pictures and you can have those to cherish.”
Remember Who Did Show Up for You
It’s easy to focus on the loved ones who couldn’t be there. The dad who wasn’t around. The friend who disappeared. The cousin you no longer speak to. But there is power in shifting your attention toward who did come.
Edie encourages this reframe gently but clearly: “Maybe not focusing so much on who’s not here. Let’s focus on who is here.” It’s a practice in gratitude—not one that replaces grief, but one that can sit beside it.
Surrounding yourself with those who support, uplift, and love you is one of the best ways to feel held on your wedding day. Thank them. Honor them. Let them fill some of the emotional space that grief has carved out.
Be Honest with Your Partner
Your spouse is your teammate, but they’re not a mind reader. One of the most powerful ways to navigate grief during a wedding is to talk about it openly with your partner—even if you’re not sure what to say.
“Grief is sneaky,” Edie warned. “It will sneak up in there and have you side-eyeing the person you just married.” Sometimes, it’s not that your partner is being distant—it’s that they don’t know what you need. That’s why she urges communication: “Being honest about what’s going on for you… and checking in with your spouse. Saying, ‘This is what I need from you right now.’”
And if you’re the partner of someone who’s grieving? Offer patience and empathy. “Be a safe space,” Edie said. “Be compassionate, be empathetic, be patient in that process. Don’t place the expectation that they should be over it.”
Whether it’s during your engagement or in your first year of marriage, grief doesn’t follow a timeline. All you can do is walk through it together, hand in hand.
To Wrap
Weddings mark the beginning of a new life—but they don’t erase the old one. Your grief is not a disruption to your joy. It’s a testament to the love and life you’ve experienced up to this point. It doesn’t have to stay at the door of your wedding venue. It’s part of your story. And the beauty of your wedding day is that it can hold all the pieces of your heart—both the ones that ache and the ones that burst with joy.
So go ahead: dance, laugh, cry, remember, rejoice. Remember, there’s space for it all.
