Let’s be real: if you’ve ever mentioned your wedding budget online, especially as a Black bride, you’ve likely been met with some variation of, “You spent *how much*?!” The judgment is swift—from strangers on social media to family members with unsolicited opinions. But here’s the truth: your wedding isn’t too expensive. It’s just expensive to people who don’t value what it means to you.
Weddings and Wealth: Unpacking the Shame
The wedding industrial complex is real, and yes, it’s important to question where your money is going. But the constant shaming of brides—particularly Black brides—for what they choose to spend on their celebration is rooted in something deeper. Black people have historically been excluded from wealth-building opportunities. So when we choose to spend big on something that celebrates love, joy, and family, it’s often viewed through a distorted lens. That lens says we’re being frivolous, doing too much, or trying to “flex” for [insert social media platform here].
But celebrating love shouldn’t be a moral debate.
Weddings aren’t just about aesthetics and vendor contracts. They’re emotional, cultural, and in many cases, communal. For many Black families, weddings are a once-in-a-generation moment. They’re family reunions, spiritual ceremonies, and long-overdue opportunities to honor the people who helped raise us.
Why the “Too Expensive” Narrative Fails Black Brides
Let’s talk about that guest list. When you come from a tight-knit village, 50 guests doesn’t cut it. Your aunties, cousins, church mothers, godparents, and play cousins all matter. And for some, cutting that list isn’t just hard—it’s impossible. It’s not about showboating. It’s about honoring the people who poured into you.
Or maybe it’s your glam budget. A wedding is one of the few days in your life when you’re the main character. Wanting to look and feel your absolute best is valid. A $500 bridal beat, quality hairstyling, and a custom gown? That’s not “extra.” That’s honoring a moment that will be documented and cherished for generations.
And the photographer and videographer you hired to capture it all? They’re preserving history—your history. Those photos will be looked at long after the wedding is over, after some of your favorite people are gone. That’s not just content. That’s legacy.
You Can’t Assign Value Without Understanding the Vision
The biggest myth out here is that expensive weddings are automatically wasteful or less meaningful. And while the internet loves to praise minimalist courthouse ceremonies (which are beautiful too!), that doesn’t mean bigger weddings are inherently less intentional.
The “budget bride” aesthetic has become a flex in its own right—but it’s not one-size-fits-all. Some brides are frugal because they gotta be. Others are by choice. Both are valid. However, you can’t let social media fool you into thinking your $30,000, $50,000, or even $80,000 wedding is a sign of irresponsibility.
The real issue isn’t the number—it’s the judgment that comes with it. Especially when that judgment is filtered through respectability politics, classism, or internalized beliefs about what Black people “should” or “shouldn’t” spend money on.
Here’s What Actually Matters
Whether you’re doing a courthouse ceremony or a multi-day wedding weekend, what matters most is that your choices reflect *you*. Your values. Your culture. Your relationship. And your wallet.
That might mean flying in family from multiple cities. It might mean investing in décor that brings your grandmother’s garden to life. It might mean an open bar because, well, c’mon.
Whatever it is, it’s your decision. You are not irresponsible for wanting a wedding that feels like a celebration of your love and your community the way you’ve envisioned it to be. You are not “doing too much.”
Let’s Change the Conversation
So, instead of constantly interrogating how much Black brides spend, let’s start asking: Did the day feel like you? Did you feel loved? Were the people you love in the room with you? Do you look back at your wedding photos and smile?
Because those are the metrics that really matter.
So, to the bride reading this who feels guilty, second-guessing her decisions, or trying to shrink herself to meet someone else’s expectations—breathe. You’re not spending too much. You’re just spending with intention. And that’s a beautiful thing.
