When you and your partner decide to get married, the next big decision is often how long do you want to stay engaged before the wedding. The average engagement length for couples in the United States is approximately 12 to 18 months, according to BRIDES.com. Should you jump right into planning for a date six months down the road, or take your time with a two-year engagement? The length of an engagement is a deeply personal choice, influenced by your goals, circumstances, and vision for your big day. While some couples thrive with a short timeline, others prefer the flexibility and breathing room of a longer engagement.
But long engagements come with their own set of pros and cons, from financial advantages to planning fatigue. If you’re wondering whether a long engagement is the right fit for your relationship, this breakdown can help you weigh the benefits and challenges of taking the scenic route to the altar.
The Pros of Long Engagements
Ample Planning Time
One of the biggest perks of a long engagement is the luxury of time. With more months (or even years) at your disposal, you can take your time to bask in your engagement, research vendors and refine every detail to create your dream wedding. This extended timeline also makes it easier to navigate logistics, like securing a high-demand venue or booking a photographer who’s often scheduled years in advance.
Financial Flexibility
Weddings are a major financial investment, and a longer engagement provides an opportunity to save, budget, and pay for the celebration over time. Spacing out payments to vendors, purchasing items during sales, and gradually building a wedding fund can help alleviate financial stress. This approach is particularly beneficial for couples balancing wedding expenses with other life goals, like buying a house or paying off debt. (This also helps family members that are contributing to the wedding, too.)
Stronger Relationship Foundation
A long engagement isn’t just about wedding planning—it’s also a time to grow as a couple. This period allows you to navigate challenges together, deepen your understanding of one another, and build a strong foundation for marriage. For couples that are seeking premarital counseling, It can also be an opportunity to tackle big-picture decisions, like where to live, how to manage finances, or whether to start a family.
Reduced Stress
The extended timeline of a long engagement can translate to less pressure and a more enjoyable planning process. Instead of rushing to make decisions, you can actually take your time to carefully weigh options, compare prices, and think creatively about truly what you want for your wedding. This measured approach can reduce the anxiety that often comes with tight deadlines that come with shorter weddings.
Flexibility with Dates
A long engagement gives you more freedom to choose a wedding date that aligns with your vision. Whether you’re dreaming of a springtime ceremony or aiming for an anniversary that holds sentimental value, having extra time increases the likelihood of securing your ideal date and vendors. Because don’t forget: you don’t truly have a wedding date without a venue.
The Cons of Long Engagements
Now that you understand five benefits to having a long engagement, let’s look at the other side and consider five cons to them, too.
Planning Fatigue
While the idea of having more time sounds appealing, the reality is that wedding planning can be exhausting, no matter the timeline. Couples with long engagements may find themselves bogged down by endless decisions, changes in trends, or even second-guessing their choices. The excitement of being engaged might also fade over time, making the planning process feel like a chore.
Changing Circumstances
Life can be unpredictable, and a long engagement increases the risk of external factors disrupting your plans. A new job, a move, life events with your close friends, like their own engagements or pregnancies, or unexpected family issues could require you to adjust your wedding plans—or even reconsider the timing altogether. Additionally, changes in your relationship dynamics over a long engagement can lead to new challenges.
Increased Costs
A long timeline might seem like a cost-saving measure, but it can also lead to overspending. With more time to browse Pinterest, attend bridal expos, scroll Instagram and BrideTok, and consider upgrades, you may find yourself adding extras to your budget that you hadn’t originally planned for. Small decisions to “splurge” can add up quickly.
Pressure from Others
Long engagements often bring a steady stream of unsolicited advice and questions from family and friends. “Why haven’t you set a date yet?” or “What’s taking so long?” can become a frustrating refrain. This external pressure might leave you feeling rushed or second-guessing your choice to take your time.
Potential for Complacency
When there’s no urgency to set a wedding date or finalize decisions, it can be easy to procrastinate. This delay can result in last-minute stress despite having an extended timeline. Additionally, without a clear deadline, some couples may lose momentum, leaving plans half-finished for long periods.
Is a Long Engagement Right for You?
Whether a long engagement is ideal depends on your unique circumstances and priorities as a couple, clearly. If you value time to save, plan, and enjoy your engagement, a longer timeline may feel more fulfilling. On the other hand, if you’re eager to start your married life or find prolonged planning overwhelming, a shorter engagement might suit you better.
At the end of the day, there’s no right or wrong way to approach your engagement. What matters most is that the length of your engagement supports your goals, strengthens your relationship, and sets you up for a meaningful and memorable wedding day. Whether you take months or years to plan, the love and commitment at the heart of your relationship are what truly count. Hope this helps!
