When it comes to engagements, we’ve long been fed the same story: he picks the ring all by himself, drops down on one knee, and ta da — you’re engaged! But the truth is, that’s not how it goes for a lot of couples. Many are choosing to shop for engagement rings together, and honestly? It makes sense.
Manica Pierette, a recent guest on the Hue I Do podcast, put it best:
“If you’re together for a while, you talk about everything. Why wouldn’t you talk about what you like in a ring?”
And she’s right. If you’re already discussing finances, family plans, and goals, why leave something as meaningful (and expensive) as an engagement ring up to chance?
Why Couples Are Saying Yes to Ring Shopping Together
First off: no one wants to be disappointed. Not the person proposing, and definitely not the person being proposed to. Going ring shopping together ensures that both people are happy with the investment — whether that’s making sure the center stone shines the way you want or making sure it fits your lifestyle and budget.
For brides like Manica, a simple convo (and a few Instagram DMs with ring inspo) helped her then-fiancé (now-husband) know what styles she loved without killing the excitement.
On the otherside, fitness influencer Andrea Glass shared during her Hue I Do appearance that she and her husband casually stopped into jewelry stores months before he proposed. She said, “I told him: here are the three styles I like. You can surprise me with one of these.” That way, she still had the thrill of the moment when it arrived and a ring that reflected her taste perfectly.
By taking this approach, it is not about controlling the proposal, contrary to popular belief. It’s about building the foundation for a proposal that’s meaningful to both people — and that often means a little bit of transparency mixed with a little bit of teamwork.
The Significance of Joint Decision-Making in Black Relationships
Joint decision-making is a cornerstone of healthy relationships, particularly within the Black community. Research indicates that African American couples often prefer egalitarian roles and power sharing, which can lead to greater relationship satisfaction and stability.
A study examining marital quality among newlywed African American couples found that egalitarian gender dynamics are more prevalent among individuals who are younger, more educated, and have higher incomes. This trend reflects a shift towards partnerships where both individuals have equal influence over decisions, fostering intimacy, respect, and trust.
Moreover, shared decision-making in financial matters, such as purchasing an engagement ring, can strengthen the couple’s financial collaboration. By discussing budgets and preferences openly, couples can make informed choices that align with their financial goals and values.
Practical Tips for Ring Shopping Together
So if you’re considering shopping for an engagement ring together, here are some tips to make the experience enjoyable and meaningful:
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Plan a casual outing: Visit jewelry stores together during a relaxed day out. This approach reduces pressure and allows for open discussion about preferences.
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Discuss budget openly: Having an honest conversation about finances ensures that both partners are comfortable with the investment.
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Share inspiration: Exchange images or ideas of ring styles you like. This helps in narrowing down options and understanding each other’s tastes.
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Maintain an element of surprise: Even when shopping together, you can preserve the surprise by selecting a few preferred styles and letting your partner make the final choice.
The New Engagement Norm
Shopping for an engagement ring together is more than a practical decision; it’s a reflection of a partnership built on mutual respect, open communication, and shared values. For Black couples, this approach aligns with a broader commitment to egalitarian relationships and joint decision-making, contributing to stronger, more satisfying partnerships.
By embracing this collaborative process, couples not only select a ring that symbolizes their love but also lay the foundation for a marriage rooted in equality and mutual support.